A Letter to My Daughter

To my daughter,



You're not born yet, but you are very real to your mother and I. We just left Washington DC and all the people we love to bet on a better future for you in Missouri. It's a long drive from Washington DC to Missouri. And U-Hauls don't have very good radios.

So I've been thinking about you a lot. This letter is for you on that day when you have nothing better to do that scour your decaying parent’s files. I hope you'll keep this just between the two of us and the global community.

Even though you're not here yet, I love you already. I would like to let you know how much I love you. If you don't know from how much I love you from when I tell you so (and I'll tell you everyday), I want to let you know the many ways I'll be showing my love to you:

1. When I read to you- Its not just because I like reading and I want you to too. People who read for fun are more successful. In any field. It's statistical fact.  The great thing about reading is you may just learn something. Even about yourself.



2. When I go to your ballet recital/aerobics competition/cheer-leading competition- Believe it or not, I don't go to these things for fun. No, right now, in July 2011, your mother and I don't say "hey let's do something fun--like go to a ballet recital for pre-Kers!" But I will go and more than that, I will enjoy it because I will be there for you. It really is more fun to do things for and with other people than to just to look out for yourself.


3. When a boy breaks your heart for the first time and you cry while I calmly explain that all men are assholes- I’ll tell you that you are too good for them and it’ll be true. I can guarantee it.

4. When I don't let you watch the movie with the guy in the mask, chainsaws and gratuitous violence- Sleep is important stuff. Get some, you'll see what I mean. Also, there's no shortage of horrors in our own world. Read the newspaper instead, I promise it's scarier, but you'll be able to sleep at night.

5. When I tell you to listen to your mother- the thing you need to know about your mother is that she is almost always right. And when she's not right, she closer to being right than you want to think. She has taught me so much and I've only had a little over seven years of her in my life (there was a lot that needed to be taught. See #3). You've got her forever! Learn from her. You'll be better for it.


6. When I explain to you that reading the entertainment section of the newspaper first is like having dessert for breakfast- No, no, no. You start with the front page, follow any jumps you like and then hit the editorial pages. But don’t spend too much time there. The writers in editorial get more insipid by the day. You have to work up to the reward of the entertainment section.

7. When I explain to you that if you find yourself voting for a single party down the line, you’re probably not reading enough- Or if you’re reading enough, you’re not reading enough from different people. Or you’re not thinking about what you’re reading. Our world is increasingly complex and odds are it’ll be more complex by the time you’re old enough to read this. Make it your goal to listen and understand people who are very different from you.

8. When I tell you to go put more clothes on- your mother will be able to explain this better than I can but the gist is that there are girls who make themselves look good by wearing less fabric and girls who make themselves look good by wearing more fabric. Wear more fabric. People will accuse you of class. Also, you’ll end up running into less of the creepy guys without checking accounts who want give you a ride on their motorcycle (more on this when you’re older).

9. When I don’t throw you out a window after you’ve left all your girly stuff everywhere- yeah, I know what’s coming. Makeup powder all over my bathroom sink, nail polish bottles on the living room coffee table, sparkle eye shadow on the bathroom floor (a fortuitous location if my heels wanted to sparkle). I suspect this because of the phenomenon I like to call “Mimi-sprawl” –when you’re mother makes a home somewhere it slowly begins to ebb out, taking over everything in it’s path like a German blitzkrieg. By the way, it’s rude to leave your stuff out. But you’ll see me show extraordinary patience.

10. When I make you come to Church with us, even though you’d rather sleep in and listen to music produced by a teenage guy with a too-perfect skin and lyrics about how no girls like him- I think being part of a community of faith is important--even if you take the religious part out. There are not a whole lot of atheist or generically “spiritual” groups who donate a lot of money when disasters strike.

11. When I make you be nice to family even though you want to throttle them- You don’t always have to like your family, but you do have to love them. The main problem with family is they know who you really are. That can be as unbearable as you make it.

12. When I don’t laugh in your face when you try to change your name in middle school- it won’t work. People will continue to call you by your real name. But that will be when you’re trying to assert your own identity. What you’ll later discover is that your entire life before middle school was a pretty big part of your identity.

13. When I don’t let you litter even though the cool girls at school do it- those cool girls are actually tools, but I’ll explain that to you at the time. We don’t have other planets to use. I’ve done my part to take care of this one, so you should to.

14. When I don’t give you want you want- The great thing about not getting our every want is that it helps us focus on what we really need. And whoever said it was good to get what we want?

15. When I insert your name into lyrics of timeless songs, ruining them for you forever- I already do this for Mimi and even for the dog. Sometimes I narrate their lives in the songs. You’ll think it’s ridiculous for at least part of your life (perhaps most). We only live once. Might as well sing while we’re here.

16. When I inform you that Superman is the greatest of all superheroes. It's true and here's why. Every other superhero has to put on a costume to become super. But Clark Kent IS the costume. He takes off his costume to become Superman. It really is what's on the inside that matters most.

17. When I tell you to reward yourself everyday- Now don't go crazy on this one, but you know what I mean. You see a bowl of M&Ms and know it’s not exactly the world’s most nutritious snack, but eat one or two anyway. It’s Thursday, the week is dragging, you’ve had your cup of coffee but are still on fumes—let yourself have a second cup. It’s a busy day and you’re racing across town—let yourself slow down enough to admire the flowers, the trees, the world around you.

I can’t wait to meet you! You can’t know how much I anticipate the day when I get to look in your eyes, rub your nose and bounce you on my knee! I never knew it was possible to love someone you’ve never met, but I love you even with you as a blank slate preparing to enter this world. There’s so much I want to show you!

Your dad,

G