Me as a Father

I have to admit that this all still seems a bit abstract. I'm very excited about this new journey and find myself talking to the baby already (he/she grew ears last week apparently).

Mimi's showing, but only for those who know her well enough to notice. We wouldn't have announced so early but that it was getting blatantly obvious. Seeing the bump makes it real, but otherwise it seems as if someone were telling me that a hurricane was coming--while the sky was clear and blue. So I at once feel overwhelmed by all that needs to be done and oddly calm. After all, the baby's not here yet.

Mimi's pregnancy has however made me reflective about my coming fatherhood, who I am and what I'm bringing to the family. I've thought a lot about my own failings. Will I be a good father?

I'm tempted to use this space to create a list of my own failings (in the process, perhaps showing myself to be self-centered enough to need to include "pride" and, er, "self-centeredness.") But I don't know that I could fit them in a list. And whether anyone would care to know them.

I just kind of wish that my child could be perfect. But he/she won't be. But perhaps if I could cause a limited amount of counseling for my child later in life (a joke). I want to be good at this. Nothing has mattered more in my life.